Sunday, August 15, 2010

Goodbye For Now

Dear You,
It's been five months since I touched you last. It's fading, the feeling, the warmth, the pleasure. I feel numb knowing I'll never be near you again.
I miss you. I miss you so much it physically hurts. But I've learned something I never knew I could. I don't miss you. I miss the lies, I miss who I thought you were. All of these memories didn't come from you, but the person you played. What was you though, I've come to know I can get with anyone. In the beginning, and up until last week, it hurt being away from you, and feeling you slipping away. It hurt knowing you were over me, that you were in June while I was lost somewhere between April and January. I never understood with all we went through how you could do it, as though I was the only person in your life you could forget so easily. But you were never good for me memories or not, I know that now. It's a funny thing, when your heart is on fire, smoke gets in your eyes. But I loved you. Though our hearts are the center of our chest, they beat on the left side, and sometimes that is why they aren't always right. I'm not writing anymore for you, but for me. I want you to know that starting now, I never knew your name. I have turned to God now, putting all of my wavering faith in him. He's saving me. Just like I asked, just like he promised he would. I don't love you anymore, and here's the best part: I don't want you back. Tonight, I'm putting bandages on this scarred heart and sending you away. I want to start fresh like a baby in the sink, scrubbing away all of these thoughts that I think of you. In a year or so, if our lives intercept, I'll think of you with joy and remember how we spent our winters in the park, learning from each other and falling in love. I want to tell you how much you moved me, how you made me a stronger person, and for that I'm eternally grateful. So here's the big one: Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Don't let what used to be stop you from creating the life you deserve, without me. I'll be doing the same. I hope to find you're doing better, better than today, better everyday. Thank you. For bringing me closer to God, for teaching me about myself. And for teaching me the lesson of facing the harsh realities of our flaws, and searching diligently for ways to fix them. It IS finally time to repaint myself. Maybe blue, maybe green. Maybe something in between. The only thing more impossible than leaving at this point, is staying. But I'll see you soon then.

Love, Me.
P.S I will always love you.