For the first time since April I didn't feel guilty about being happy. I just embraced it, cuddled it, kissed it until it went away. He pulled me tighter inhaling the scent of my sweater-thank goodness I put perfume on- I felt his fingers tickle my skin, playing with my fingers, my rings. "I had a dream about you." He murmored...
I can't remember anything else, anything before that. And I realized in that moment that I'd finally done it. That horrible, awful thing I swore I would never do. The piano, the snow, the swings, his green eyes. Gone. All I can think about now is him. My ghost is -- erased. My whole body is warm and buzzing. He is smiling next to me, because of me. And everything about me feels different. I have reached the top of Mt. Everest. I have finally made it, finally seen the view, finally come to life once again, finally felt the texture of his warm hands, finally heard the words I imagined in my head so many times before. I didn't know how long it would last, but however it had happened, I was sitting there on a couch with the boy I'd always known I would never forget. I could have stayed like that all night, heart thumping, lucky and forgetful...