I am utterly exhausted. I have nothing left. If I could just make them understand, maybe they'd let me into the exclusive club where all the members have a right to be irrevocably sad. Where my mind can freely shut off and go away. Or I could get so angry I'd shake. Other times, I could just run away and weep. Weeping is different from crying. It takes your whole body to weep, and when it's over, you feel like you don't have any bones to hold you up.

I know I should let go, but it never really leaves me. Every morning, I wake up and forget just for a second that it happened. But once my eyes open, it buries me like a landslide of sharp, sad rocks. Once my eyes open, I'm heavy, as if there's too much gravity pressing down on my heart.

Question: Did you ever cry about us?

I need to massage my eyeball.