Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Parts of You

There is a monster inside of me. I can feel it scratching, eating away at the insides of my ribs.
It is lonely and empty here.
So empty.
Devoid of all feeling.
The thought of you and I.
Even if I dump the memory, it will stay with me. Staining me.
There is no magic cure, no treatment to make it all go away.
But I am still here. Battered and bruised, but here.
We will be okay...won't we?
We have to be.
I try to love somebody else....
But, all the while I can only think of him.
The way he held my hand, they way he speaks to me.
The way he walks, the way he laughs.
Oh, if I could feel the butterfly that flapped it's wings, the moment I touched him, I would crush it into a million tiny beautiful pieces.
The thought, never surrenders though. It stays with me like a scar,
Bleeding, and throbbing, and hurting but still, impossibly, healing.

The absence of him is everywhere I look, like a big hole has been punched;
punched right through my chest.
But, it made no sense for him to love me.
I suppose that makes the whole losing him thing kinda bearable, right?
I cannot love anyone. Anyone at all. Anyone but you.
Because the best parts of you, were all of the parts of me...

1 comment:

  1. Love him, darling. Do; because that's who you are right now. you are, loving him. Perhaps you are strong enough, perhaps not, to go on without loving him; but if tearing yourself away from where your heart has stayed so long will indeed tear you, then sit, a little longer by the bay; rest.
    Love him, so that you can love yourself. Let your heart breathe.
    I'll pick up your pieces afterward, when the waves crash down and pull forward. Because they will; it's how it goes.
    But they will draw back, then, too; and as they do, I will hold your hand in mine, and collect treasures and sea shells from the wet sand with you; mending your heart, resting.
    Breathe, love. <3 It will be okay, in time.