Sunday, March 10, 2013

I'm very scared for my future. The problem is that I never know what I want to do with it. There are so many options, so many things I want, but what if I never have to chance to do any of them? I'm constantly worrying about my life and what will become of it and if I will be content. What if, at the end of my life I look back and I am not proud of it? What if I always believe someone else is living my life? What if I never reach my full potential?
Life is so short, and I won't be able to get done half of the things I want. Once you get married, you are married. What if I marry a man who's not going to want to follow me around all the time? What if he doesn't want to live in the city, what if he doesn't want to live in a cabin? What if we end up living in a townhouse in Pleasant Grove, UT?
I want to live in the city and study fashion.
I want to live in CA and be apart of the Los Angeles Master Chorale
I want to live in a cabin in the woods and plant my own vegetables
and read books, and paint, and write.
I want to live by the beach and let me skin feel warmth.

What if I end up going to BYU and get married and he doesn't want the same things?
Am I ever going to be happy?

I'm just so worried about it. It's constant nagging in my stomach.

I'm so unsure of every plan I had for myself.

The things I am sure of is:

* I love choir, and being apart of one more than anything
* I love the city
* I love nature
* I love fashion
* I love literature
* I love falling in love.

1 comment:

  1. I very much worry about the same things. What if you come with me, only to leave me with regret or resentment? Someone told me once that he was "sorry you dragged me here." The fear is very real.

    Breakfast After 10