Notification:

I will no longer be writing on this blog. It has become a part of my past, and I'm ready to move on and let these things go. Because I no longer have Facebook, and haven't for quite some time now, also because I will be deleting both my twitter and instagram in the near future, I invite you to join me on my new and improved blog. I have been writing on it for quite some time and must admit I have grown rather fond and proud of it. If you are interested in my writings I would love to see you there, if not please leave my new blog toxic-free.
Thank you for all the support throughout the years on this special blog. I have grown to admire and love each of my new friends I've made on this site and hope to do so in the near future. It is time for bigger and better things, and I couldn't be more excited, really.
 

Much love,

 

      Valmai

 

 

New Blog: 1000lettersfromv.blogspot.com

 

Tumblr: v-a-l11.tumblr.com

mine

Watching Like Crazy, and wanting to cry the entire time, because sometimes love doesn't always work out, no matter how badly you want the other person. It's just heartbreaking, knowing that you can wait years for someone and in the end, you end up with nothing but time wasted.
Some things don't last forever, and it's about time people start learning that.

 

I need this in my life

So, if you dears want to see my life through my photos and interests rather than words, feel free to follow me on tumblr.

www.v-a-l11.tumblr.com

Also, feel free to ask me anything. I'm always open. If you want a follow comment below.

I'm very scared for my future. The problem is that I never know what I want to do with it. There are so many options, so many things I want, but what if I never have to chance to do any of them? I'm constantly worrying about my life and what will become of it and if I will be content. What if, at the end of my life I look back and I am not proud of it? What if I always believe someone else is living my life? What if I never reach my full potential?
Life is so short, and I won't be able to get done half of the things I want. Once you get married, you are married. What if I marry a man who's not going to want to follow me around all the time? What if he doesn't want to live in the city, what if he doesn't want to live in a cabin? What if we end up living in a townhouse in Pleasant Grove, UT?
I want to live in the city and study fashion.
I want to live in CA and be apart of the Los Angeles Master Chorale
I want to live in a cabin in the woods and plant my own vegetables
and read books, and paint, and write.
I want to live by the beach and let me skin feel warmth.

What if I end up going to BYU and get married and he doesn't want the same things?
Am I ever going to be happy?

I'm just so worried about it. It's constant nagging in my stomach.

I'm so unsure of every plan I had for myself.

The things I am sure of is:

* I love choir, and being apart of one more than anything
* I love the city
* I love nature
* I love fashion
* I love literature
* I love falling in love.

Hello's mean goodbyes, and I've never been good at either.

How To Tell Someone You Love Them:

* Send them letters
* Make lists of things you love about them,
   write it on your favorite part of their skin.
* Run them a hot bath
* Take them to the symphony
* Light candles
* Let your body become their sweater
* Give them your last pair of socks
* Take pictures of them
* Make them a cup of tea
* Knit them mittens
* Rub lotion on their hands,
   mold them like a sculpture.
* Read their favorite book
* Make them a mix cd
* Sing to them
* Watch all their favorite movies
* Read them a poem
* Include them in your journal
* Be shy around them
* Tell them you miss them
* Make love to them
* Allow your body to crumple beneath theirs
* Exchange recipes
* Cook for them
* Wear their clothing
* Laugh at their jokes
* Buy them a plant
* Take them to your favorite place
* Inspire them
* Bloom, whither, bloom again.
* Let your fingers trace their spine
* Smile as often as you can manage
* Admire their hands, play with their fingers
* Watch them sleep
* Remember their birthday
* Pretend they are fragile
* Crawl under their skin
* Bruise them with your lips
* Button their clothing where
   hands can't reach
* Show them your scars
* Comb their hair
* Paint for them
* Say "I love you."

I wish I was one of those fantastic writers, like the ones I'm always reading.

Books you must read when you are lonely:

* Cold Mountain
* For Whom the Bell Tolls
* The History of Love
* The Bell Jar
* Jane Eyre
* Wuthering Heights
* Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
* A Case of You
* The Catcher in the Rye
* The Book Thief
* If I Stay
* Twenty Boy Summer
* Persuasion
* The Twilight Saga

enjoy xx

It's Been One Year

I will keep your love safe.

I think I want to be published, and live in a quaint little cottage covered in fairy lights and books, (and perhaps a cat, and a dog), and be with a man who has a beautiful back bone and pianist hands. And when I'm not writing novels I will be writing articles about why cloning should not be considered nefarious, and leaving bite marks in my lovers jaw, and do you think Heathcliff was a man or a devil. All of my thoughts belong in a Harlequin romance, so I'm bound to be disappointed.

Often I am surprised by my efficiency to ask people not to forget me.

"Please stay."
"Okay."

"What we have lost will never be returned to us. The land will not heal. Too much blood. My heart will not heal. All we can do is make peace with the past, and try and learn from it. There are days now when I manage not to think of you. When the needs of the farm call with more urgency than my heart. This time of year there is so much life everywhere. I find you in all of it, as if you were still walking home to me."

-- Cold Mountain 

His lips tasted of chocolate and loose poetry.

I'm tired of chasing people. For once, I want someone to chase me.

"I don't know when the obsession began.                                            
Perhaps two days into the start of school
when he said hello to me for the
second time this year
And I realized that it's not his mouth
or his eyes or even his hair.
Instead,
it was his hands.
Long, pale, elegant things.
Wispy limbs that induce within me
the kind of longing that belongs
in a harlequin romance.
I'm not trying to be poetic,
but these hands, God, these hands.
They deserve a poem.
They deserve fifty.
The star extending outward
from the wrist bone,
empty bowls clenched around air,
Oh, God.
Did I mention he plays the piano?
It would be all too easy to say
"How I'd love for him to play me."
I find myself jealous of the pianos
in the music hall, all three of them.
He can't pass by them without touching them
and the sheer yearning on his face when he sees them
and how he steps around me if I'm closer to them
so that he can trail his fingers along the ivory keys,
play a Glissando that ends on a high, clear C--

Oh, God, to be that piano.
To feel him love me: all seven octaves
all eighty-eight keys."

A Lonely Guide to Forgetting People:

(Warning: this is difficult and teary and requires willpower
because people are hard, and they will make you fall in love with them.)

1. When you leave, do not look back. Do not turn your head or your shoulders.
Point your chin. Walk.

2. Forget the photos, and the way you laughed. Fill letters with memories
and put them into boxes. Put those boxes in the attic.
Do not look at them for years.

3. Cry until you are red faced and shaking and your fingers will not
slow down from clenching and unclenching. Leave nail marks on
your skin. Remember how it feels to hurt, remember that you will
not always feel this way.

4. Take walks in places you have not been, run until your feet hurt
and your soles are aching and you are lost in forests or parks or
night time trail rides.
(with someone who is not the person you want to forget).

5. Look for magic, in books and airplanes and hidden places like
secret gardens and parks and those cats, the ones you don't know,
the ones who rub their heads against your calves and purr.
Let that feeling fill you like warm milk.

6. Write it down. Burn it. Write it again. You will be a bundle of
nerves, accept it, move on. Hold onto the edges of your skin,
tighten your arms around your organs, make sure they do not
fall out.

7. Beautiful things exist everywhere, you are a star and the boy
over there is another and that woman and that little girl.

8. Remember you will be happy again, remember to breathe.

(If you have forgotten: inhale, exhale, expand, be balloon like, be beautiful).

If the only thing you do is miss me, that will be enough.