Thursday, April 21, 2011

We were given an assignment in english to write a poem. I real poem. I've been thinking for days on end how I will ever do this. I want to get my words right, I want to move someone. But still, nothing has come to me. Is it possible to not feel anything at all? I don't know where my mind is these days. All I can think is, "And I see I'm wrong for you, but we tried."
I've been trying to find myself, but I seem to be losing more of me instead. I have forgotten the clocks, and instead I count time by the lines around my eyes. They seem deeper than usual, my coloring is a little more ghostly.
Winter is beginning to fade, and that scares me...
I don't know what to think anymore. I have found so many ways to disgrace myself, and throw a dark cloth over my head. Maybe God didn't like the look of my face when he saw it.
Meanwhile, the world goes on.

I'm still here, in a way. Soon you all will realize I can't write, I have no voice, not even a whisper, and that my blog is stupid, like I have already. It's only a matter of time, I suppose.
I am so sorry,


  1. Your blog is beautiful,
    and so are you.
    Your words move me each time I read them.
    But I do believe it is possible to feel nothing...
    It happens to me, too.

    I love you, Lauren.


  2. but your words are beautiful to me, and they always will be... i've been lost too, for a long while... but i know you'll find your self soon... i love you, dear.

  3. maybe instead of dinging the perfect words to write this poem, how about just letting yourself write, with no judgement and just write w/e comes to mind, sometimes i find that my best poems come when i write what I'm feeling w/o trying to filter my thoughts and words. Remember it is not always about what you say but how you say it that matters *hugs*

  4. well, if you think that, you have no idea what you are talking about, darling. because even this short writing you posted has moved me and many others.
    you are beautiful and your words are heart-wrenching. you deserve the best.
    we all love you, dear. keep writing. please.

  5. Your blog is never stupid, your voice is always heard.
    Maybe you just need to write all the wrong things first.
    Then maybe you'll realise that you had it all along.

  6. Write about the recurrence of thought, poetry is beautiful when it is honest. You can make that a reality. Some write what they say to impress, others can write what they think their reader wants. You've got the notion of honesty, and how wonderfully refreshing you are for that. You needn't believe it, it is always there. This part of your heart, laid bare for your followers to read, that is the evidence.

    Fade darling, just not completely X

  7. valmai, i added you to my list of feathers...
    is everything okay, dear?