Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The List of Reasons Why I'm Not Ready For This:

  • I have no feelings for him beyond the boundaries of friendship. He makes me laugh. He is hilarious. I'm always happy when I am with him. But when I look at him, I don't see him the way he may want me to. He is my pal, my buddy, someone I would turn to for rebellion and happiness. Maybe even someone I would go to if I wanted to talk about a boy I really loved. The boy he will never be.
  • Hard Comparisons. You seemed perfect to me. I loved the way you took my hand in yours. The way you looked at me. The easy but serious way you always spoke to me. I felt respected, I felt comfortable, but most of all, I felt loved. So, when this boy takes my hand, I remember only you, and the way you used to. It's not the same, and I can't control the disappointment I feel when I turn my head, and your face isn't the one I see. Tears fill my eyes, and I remember what I've constantly tried to forget: It will never be you again.
  • I'm still not over you. It's a daily trial. I'll never understand why in that moment he touches my hand, you're face is the first thing to appear into my mind. Even after you hurt me so, I still think of you with pain, and miss you. How can I give my hand to someone who doesn't own my heart? How could I do that to him, to me, when it doesn't mean the same for both of us? I cannot seem to find the heart I gave to you. And without that, how am I able to give it to another? I don't know if I ever will. I don't know if I ever can. I still love you. And here's the worst part: I want you back.

Question: Will I ever get over you?

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